So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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