she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
