RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
