nut hugger
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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