Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
