I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
