The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I enjoy the company of your penis
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
