dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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