you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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