If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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