I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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