You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize