I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
