He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
