So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
