Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
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I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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