Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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