Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
