That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this boner is exhausting
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
