No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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