Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Randomize
