Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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