Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
