Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
