shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
