OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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