Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
