I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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