Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
