why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
