You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
