Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
