Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
