how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
