I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
