she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
is it fun? or sober?
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