I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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