I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
