Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
