You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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