I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
