Ketchup is God's man juice
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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