His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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