I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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