god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
