My liver just broke up with me...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
