So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
