Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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