Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
