I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
