Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
