it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
