So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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