Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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