I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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