We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
