I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
