ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
