I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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