see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
