Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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