I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize