forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
