I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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