9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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