I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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